FORGOTTEN

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"I REFUSE!"

"You don't get to decide that for me anymore, McGucket!" Stanford is nearly yelling, his voice wavering and wet. The monitor makes an electric hiss and fades to black all at once. The almost imperceptibly high noise signaling there's an electric current cuts all at once.

"...coward." Stanford growls to himself as he pockets the canister. "Pitiful, despicable..." Ford sighs to himself once more, the rage in his chest blowing out like a candle. "Would it be cruel to say that you two weren't all that dissimilar, back then...?"

Ford shakes his head.

"No, that's unfair... Fiddleford, you..." Stanford rubs his temples, soothing the pain digging its nails into his skull. "You at least have the decency to beg for forgiveness."

Stanford runs his thumb along the glass of the canister, still warm to the touch. His mind is a cloud of hornets, volatile, difficult to direct, suffocating. "Seeing as you've made strides to remember your old self, it's only fair I come to terms with the man I knew." The words feel hollow but somehow he stills feels hopeful. There's some truth to what Fiddleford had said: when you've been emptied out, there's still hope. Somehow, there's still hope.

"The man I thought I knew was my best friend," Ford says, mouth dry. The glass is beginning to lose its warmth.

"I don't know if I can bring myself to forgive you but I..." Stanford steels himself, straightening his posture. "... I sure as hell will never forget you. Not if I have any say in the matter."

Selfish is right, Ford thinks to himself, flushing as he realizes he's been muttering aloud to himself. You don't get to tell me what you are to me. If you're a monster, you've punished yourself enough in my stead.

All of this time, all of this time, they could have had... something. Ford isn't foolish enough to think that he could have been pulled away from Bill, he knows just how deeply the demon's claws were in him back then. That fact doesn't negate that Fiddleford took away his choice, if he'd just stopped his anxious mind and listened to Ford then Fiddleford would've known that... ...Ford's feelings on the matter of their relationship were similarly complex. He never could've asked him to leave Emma-May for him, but at least they could've shared the shame, the guilt. If Fiddleford was up to ears in shame then, dammit, Stanford should've been there right alongside him. Like friends. Partners.

At least they could have known, at least Ford could've had the chance to know. Maybe then Ford would've understood the gravity of what he was losing... that part isn't Fiddleford's fault. Not entirely. He could never shift the full weight of that onto him.

Somehow, despite everything, Stanford wants to forgive him. This isn't like Bill, this isn't the usual anxiety gurgling in the back of his mind, dragging him under in a mire of his own making. There's no fear in this desire, no shame. It's still too early to tell how his feelings will evolve on the matter. He's mature enough now to know that it'll get worse before it gets better.

Even still, he finds himself speaking in a whisper, "...we have a lot of time to make up for." His mind is still buzzing and his body feels heavy. His psyche feels exhausted in a way that makes him feel so far away. Like he's somewhere else, in another time and another place. There's this paradoxical spark of something in his chest. Something yearning, desperate to bloom in the light. Stanford knows better than to cling onto the hope blooming in his chest. He knows that hope is far too fragile a thing to grip as tightly as he needs.

"...I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU, OLD FRIEND."

FORGET-ME-NOT

Spring, an evening in '81

It's a quiet day in the lab. For reasons beyond Ford's understanding, Fiddleford has been a bit standoffish as of late. When F calls home, his voice is often tense. He seems to lose some of his energy after hanging up, almost as if Emma-May is sucking the life out of him all the way in Palo Alto. It's not Ford's place to press his nose into the matter too deeply.

blah blah blah, fidds wanders in and there's a cute moment of ford comforting him. there's some skinship in the process, leading into what's erased.

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[heartbreaking amibiguous bittersweet ending, nail the landing, dammit! the phrase "Why, I'd have half a mind to..." is used :)] Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.